Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Mini She

{Clara and me at our annual Valentine's Party.  
She was too fat for the Vintage '80s heart outfit of my babyhood but I squished her in anyway.}

I had a baby girl in September.  She is beautiful and calm and an absolute dream, really.  But she doesn't look a thing like me.  She came out with a thick head of dark hair.  And her face?  My husband says it is his sister's.  My dad says it is my Nana's.  Some say it is my mom's.  Some say it is my my mother-in-law's.  One day I dug up some old baby pictures at my mom's house.  "Don't you think this kind of looks like her, except with no hair?" I asked my husband.  "Sorry, honey.  Not at all."  I didn't really mind, of course.  Except for the part of me that always dreamed of a mini-me.  A little girl with a blonde bob who loved ballet class.  Shouldn't my daughter look like me and sort of be just like me?

Then one day, as I sat nursing her, oohing and ahhing over her wild curls and rosy cheeks, it hit me.  "She's not mini-me" I thought.  She isn't Anne part II, she is CLARA.  She is her own person.  She has her own look.  And she's going to have her own thoughts.  And her own interests.  And her own dreams.  Maybe she'll want to play softball instead of take ballet.  And maybe the excitement I felt singing and dancing on stage will be what she feels when she cozies up with a favorite book.

Her hair is lightening up.  And I have a suspicion she'll adopt a personality trait or two.  And certainly I pray I can teach her to be good and virtuous and hard-working and grateful and kind.  But I have to let her be her.

I can hardly wait to see who she becomes.

xo,
anne


7 comments:

Lynford Rozario said...

Awww...your child is looking so sweet and cute
Android Developer

Taylor said...

I like you both.

Carrie said...

My two daughters look nothing like me, their fair blonde mother, but look EXACTLY like their dark skinned, dark haired father... I'm hoping that they get a little of me, because I'm not sure how pretty a girl version of my husband (who is attractive for a GUY) will be.... just kidding! Mostly :)

Danielle said...

Seriously Anne. I had this exact same thought today as I looked at Avery. In fact I sort of wrote a blog post in my head about it. Its so true though! I thought about Avery as a mother, driving her kids around like I was at at the time. It's amazing how much they are just their own little selves the minute they join us though isn't it. She doesn't have your coloring but I can totally see you in her. TOTALLY. Sometimes it takes an unbiased third party to see those things;)

lizl said...

You mean after all of these boys, I finally get a girl and she is nothing like me? Yes, I relate! It will be so fun as Clara's personality becomes more and more HER. I'm getting a kick out how Mary is. I can remember being her age now and it is clear she is not me! Love you. Good post :)

rae said...

Four daughters deep, I need to hear and remind myself of this as well. AMEN AMEN AMEN!

Rae

Joan said...

I can imagine myself feeling the exact same way IF I had a daughter ;)
Maybe some day...{sigh}